this beer tastes like vomit already
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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