You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
