Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
