I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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