whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
