No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
