The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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