i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
