The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i will never coherently bang her
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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