garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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