ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
