I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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