it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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