By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
