I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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