wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
