At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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