you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
