Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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