Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
