And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i barfeds in our rink
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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