cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
