On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
