i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My bed smells like the plague
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
