So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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