But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
