My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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