I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
