does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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