I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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