I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
