when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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