is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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