Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
