just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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