He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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