Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
