Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
