I love black thongs
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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