you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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