I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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