I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
