Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
