That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
