Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
