Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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