not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
