Buhtt sex?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
