Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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