Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think I just sharted jello shots
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