batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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