I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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