i just wanna soil my oats bro
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
