As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
