I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think your dad took our porno
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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