I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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